I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
