you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
