I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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