The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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