The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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