clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
