Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
