hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
