The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
