I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
