How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
