I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
