Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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