he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
