Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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