if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
