I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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