I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think i have two assholes
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
