just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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