apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
