I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
