It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
