You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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