she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
