I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
