i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
