Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
