is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
