she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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