theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
