i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
