just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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