Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
