Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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