Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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