That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
COCAINE IS GR8
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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