You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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