there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
please don't ironically join a cult
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