You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
