You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
