I'm eating all of the evidence.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
