HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
