I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
