I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
