her vagine was all disorganized.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
