Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
