Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
