Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
