I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
