I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
